FAPocalypse
/fəˈpɒkəlɪps/
Noun
- the period of time between October 2019 and May 2020 in the life of one Augustin Coman
“the FAPocalypse was a defining time in his life” - the complete final destruction of the first state of a being after the start of a NoFap journey, brought upon by the four horsemen of the FAPocalypse (aka the four main comforts of the self before NoFap)
“the FAPocalypse changes the lives of many people every year”
THE BEGINNING
Starting in March 2019 I was slowly making progress towards my next evolution. It got a real boost when I moved to France for my studies at the end of the summer of 2019, because I sort of quit everything I was when I was home and I was ready to become a better person. I switched up my eating habits and became vegan, I followed my passion and started a legit YouTube channel, I made sure to stick to a schedule so I was writing blog posts weekly, and I was more social. I was a whole different person. I even lost like 12 kilos (26 lbs).
BERLIN TRIP
That lasted for like a month, until the FIRST of my personal horsemen of the FAPocalypse happened to pay me a visit.
I went to Berlin for a city getaway where I met my mom, my sister and also I saw one of my dearest friends from school. I was vegan so I wasn’t eating any animal products, but my mom got me this nice little can of caviar. Mmmmmmm… I said ok sure. How can I refuse caviar. I’ll just eat it in the morning right before going to my flight back to France. Not a big deal, right? That triggered something inside of me. The comfort of food was the first of the four horsemen of the FAPocalypse. I started eating like crap again and before I knew it, I gained half the weight back. I ended up getting better before I went home for the holidays – where the second horseman was already waiting for me.
THE HOLIDAYS
What’s the best thing about the holidays outside of presents? Family, right? Everybody coming together with the people closest to them. The people they love most. That’s how I felt. I saw my dad for the first time since summer. I finally spent more time with my sister and mom. I saw my cats and dogs. It was great. It was comfortable. The comfort of being 10 steps away from my sister, dad or mom. The comfort of feeling protected. The comfort of my family was the second horseman.
But so what if I relaxed and didn’t do anything for two weeks – it was the holidays. Nothing bad about that, right? I didn’t stay long enough to find out. I was back in France as if I didn’t even go home. Got back on the grind of losing weight and “being my best self” in no time.
THE PANDEMIC
Something that I can’t quite put my finger on happened in 2020. Oh! Right. It was a worldwide pandemic.
Pandemic? Quarantine?? Lockdown??? I’m gonna have to stay at home for at least two weeks? Oh no! Uber eats has free delivery? Oh no! The comfort of staying at home and watching A LOOOOT of Disney+ and Netflix was – you guessed it – not exactly what I needed to be more productive. Enter: third horseman of the FAPocalypse. And right behind him – the first one. So I try to survive by doing the occasional workout, by eating… some vegetables and of course – attend every single class… NOT
RETURN TO THE MOTHERLAND
Not too much time passes and I fly home for the summer since everything moved online. And guess who’s waiting for me there to deliver the killing blow. As I take the first step into my room, door creaking, all my stuff untouched, I feel this breeze of sweet death creep its way through the fabric of my clothes, through the pores of my skin, right into the deepest parts of my very soul.
The forth horseman of the FAPocalypse.
Standing on my desk. Waiting for me for months. Waiting to be turned on by my gentle touch.
Gaming.
THE END
It was ironic that as I became trapped, quarantined in my room, sinking into my previous patterns, the past me was able to escape the shackles of my inner Hell and take over my body like a parasite, leaving me no choice, but to turn to my old habits.
Just like that, the persona I fought to build over the course of over a year has disintegrated into thin air – never to be seen again.
August 