I’m Back
Hello there dudes and dudettes! It’s been a while since I wrote something on here. I’d like to say I’ve been busy with stuff, but truth is I kind of just been like………………………….lazy? There was just an abrupt loss of interest towards the blogger life. Anyway, I did focus a bit more on myself so here I am I guess, after finally hitting 30 days of NoFap I decided to, I guess, say something about it. And yes, I do have something particular in my mind that I want to share.
30 Days of NoFap – Finally!
So, first of all, let’s start with the fact that I got to 30 Days of NoFap – yay! While it doesn’t sound that huge – it kind of is. At least for me. It took me year and a half to get here. A lot of struggle and experimentation. So what happened on the 30th day? I woke up. I ate some cereal. Took a shower. Shaved. Played some video games. Not much. Then at the end of the day, I got to the Productive app on my phone which I use to track my habits. And I got excited to see that “Day 30” as I slid my finger across my phone from left to right. I felt good – but not for long.
The first thought that came to my head was “Dope…. But anyway, let me get back to my movie.” I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long and now that I’m here – it’s like I got nowhere. I feel barely any different than I did 30 days earlier. Don’t get me wrong – getting over my Porn addiction is pretty fulfilling, but not fulfilling enough. Anyway, I got back to my movie or TV Show – don’t really remember what it was right now. I got on with my life as you’d say. Days later and it was still in the back of my mind, like “Why is this not enough? What next? Why didn’t it feel better? Why? Why? Why?”
Why?
So, like any other human – I overthought some more. After some time I realized why. It was because of what NoFap has become – more than just some challenge. More than just my Porn addiction. It has become about changing my life altogether. NoFap means a better diet now. NoFap means me working out at least 5 times a week. NoFap means meditating everyday. It means me focusing on school and not gaming 24/7.
Unfortunately for me, at that time, I wasn’t in the best place, physically or mentally. All those thing I mentioned earlier? None. Literally the other way around. I gained some weight (which I am surprised was possible to be honest), I wasn’t meditating or working out (maybe a couple of push-ups) every couple of days and guess what else – I was gaming or watching Netflix every second I could and literally not at all focusing on my studies. I was a wreck.
So, as you probably guessed it by now – this is why that 30 day mark felt like nothing too special. It was like this trophy that was supposed to be filled with champagne but the champagne is not there. Or like a happy meal without the toy. Or a glass of water…without the water.
So…
In a nutshell, the message I’m trying to deliver here is that, sometimes, the best way to quit a drug – in my case porn – is to not so much erase it from your life, but to actually replace it. Don’t delete, but replace. Got an urge during the day – do a couple of workout. Another one? Meditate for 10 minutes. Another one? Do some work. Listen to some calming music. Cause guess what – your brain still wants to feel good, so give him pleasure in a healthier manner. And whatever you do – keep going! You’re not alone in this fight.
And at this point I feel obligated to mention this:
August 