So, as I’ve been “therapizing” myself so to say I’ve been making more and more discoveries about myself.
And recently, last week to be more precise, I had quite the epiphany: I realized why I’m listening to music 24/7.
Now, I’ve been struggling, guess you’d say, with abandonment issues for some times now and I only now realize that I use different types of media to help myself cope with these “problems”. Over the time as more people left my life as I was a kid I leaned more towards music because listening to it makes me feel not alone. Except these days it’s turned into an addiction in a way, because I can’t stop listening to it. Most of the time when I’m with people I have a earbud in one of my ears or sometimes I just plug my years and just zone out, because in some sort of way I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m better off alone and just by myself. I could trust music, you know? I just listen to Eminem and try to stay strong. It makes me feel not weak.
I used to not give a shit about YouTube or movies or music or TV shows or any other type of media before the most crucial year of my life which was 2014. It’s when Depression Mode activated in my brain after my sister left to do her studies abroad. That’s when I spent all the money I saved up and bought myself the iPod Nano 7th Gen and loaded up Eminem’s Marshall Mathers LP 2 and since then the music hasn’t stopped. I literally have like 2 paisr of wireless earbuds (almost bought a second one), a pair of wireless headphones and 3 wired earphones and I carry with me at least 3 of these with me all the time so I can be sure to have something through which I can listen.
Something else I’ve noticed is that whenever I’m not doing anything to distract I get overwhelmed by my thoughts to a level where I just end up thinking very BAD thoughts, like really bad and music sort of helps me sort out my chaotic emotions.
August 